Disappointment

I feel like such a freaking failure. Not only have I not lost any weight. I've gained three pounds and some change. That's almost 4 pounds. WTF! I'm so disappointed that my first post after not having internet and all the madness that I've been dealing with is not at all positive. My family has come and gone and left me feeling like a big, fat, pig. I saw a friend last week after not seeing him for a couple weeks and the first thing he said was "OH! You've gotten fatter!" Asshole!

I'm such a disappointment to myself. I'm realizing that right now is not the best time to post anything. It's going to all come out as negative and self-hating and I don't need to put that on all you wonderful people. I'll post later when I calm down.

That was a crazy idea!

Wow. My three day fast was sooooo freaking hard. I almost did it successfully, except on New Year Day on of my uncles took me out to lunch (I ordered a salad and picked at it) and anther uncle insisted that I have some wine. Which I'm a sucker for. One glass quickly led to two then three. DAMN! Today my aunt forced a plate of rice in front of me because she "noticed you're not eating." Wow! Cum laude, eh?

*psshhh*

I had a good feeling about 2010 though and apparently I was right to. So, their whole family is starting a 21 day 'spiritual' fast and insisted that I join them even though it's a foreign concept to me. I told them that I wasn't sure if I could go without food or water during the day for 21 days. Lie. Truth is I'm so eager. It begins tomorrow. No food or water until 6 in the evening everyday. I plan to skip the food for a few days at a time, though. No one can criticize me either for not eating or drinking. Yay! Here I go. It looks like they just made up for trying to sabotage my New Year weight loss plan. I feel a little bad because I'm not doing it for spiritual reasons but... oh heck. I'm over it. Yay!

By the way I'm back from my holiday trip and got on the scale. I'm at 134 STILL. DAMN! Probably all the crap eating I did before my fast and the mandatory nibbling on things my relatives kept shoving in my face. I guess it could be worse. I'm sooooo getting that crap off me in the next 3 weeks. I don't think I'll be exercising as rigorously as I was before. Ohhh, this is going to be difficult :)